Pornographic Priestess

I had an entry entitled "Cell Phones + People + Public = Stabspire Kills" to write about, but I couldn't think of anything that hasn't been said before. So this will have to do instead.


"Walk away from the sun, come slowly undone"

I hate it when people use their fingers as quotation marks. It's like they are trying to prove they read because they see it used in literature. Well folks, this is the way it works. The reason "certain" words are put in between quotation marks is to add some sort of emphasis on that word. This means when you read, you realize that character is speaking that one word is in a different tone. To use your fingers as quotation marks while you are speaking is redundant. The only thing I hate more than this are the people who use the annoying gesture incorrectly. If you don't understand what I mean, then you're guilty. I once worked with a girl that always did this, and usually incorrectly. I got so annoyed one day that I told her that I would nail her hands to her workspace if she didn't quit. She laughed and I didn't. I saw her husband a few days ago. She still isn't doing it.

My cat doesn't like spicy salsa cheese dip with extra jalapenos. Doesn't stop me from giving it to her, or her licking it for that matter. This is Wednesday night entertainment.

The difference between crass and class is a Japanese accent away.

I would totally nail Bridgette the Midget.

Goblin Cock is the best band name ever. Their music sucks, but who cares when you can introduce yourself this way: "We are Goblin Cock." Your fans can get in the act as well. "Dude, I love Goblin Cock!" Best of all, there's the posers. "I love Goblin Cock more than you!"

I don't tell kids to go play in traffic. I tell them to go hunt for Freon in old refrigerators.

I believe zombies are the answer for the morons of the world. I eagerly await their coming. I even have a book on how to survive the zombie apocalypse for the clean up/zombie killing after all the morons are gone.

NAMBLA's anthem should be John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy".

In the Star Wars universe, I think "schutta" means "cunt". I've noticed that in the video games not dealing with the movies, when a guy gets pissed off at a chick, this is what he calls her.

"I could bleed for a smile; could die for a gun"

Captain Chaos is my desktop background.

The Beatles's Magical Mystery Tour is the most successful album ever. Some people automatically assume that Magical Mystery Tour is shit because of the fruity name or because they didn't like the movie or thought it looked stupid. Out of eleven songs nine songs were hits. Not necessarily number ones, but songs every-goddamn-body knows. "Magical Mystery Tour", "The Fool on the Hill", "Your Mother Should Know" (for lyrics check out Justin's journal), "I Am the Walrus", "Hello Goodbye", "Strawberry Fields Forever", "Penny Lane", "Baby You're a Rich Man", "All You Need is Love". You may not know them by name, but if you heard them, chances are you'd recognize at least part of each of those songs. That leaves only two songs, Flying and Blue Jay Way, that didn't go on to become some sort of hit.

People say you shouldn't put kittens in microwaves. I'm not one of them.

If you feel the need to whine and cry to me about what I've just said, strangle yourself. You didn't have shit to say about the kid and the fridge.

Once, I cut up a few B-12 pills and told my stepbrother it was coke. He said it was the worst coke he'd ever had, but it did give him a kick ass pick-me-up.

"So tiny dancer beware, we're medicated and scared"

In the Star Wars universe, I think "fodder" means "shit". Huttese for "fodder" is something that sounds like "poodoo." Tell me that doesn't mean "shit".

People who confuse "they're", "there", and "their" should be shot. I can forgive the people that only do it occasionally. Those people should only be shot in the leg. Same goes for "your", "you're", and "yore" (yes I've seen someone use "yore" in this manner; he no longer breathes)

People with cell phone headsets who look at you when talking to someone on the phone piss me off.

"This smile is so hard to wear, but I have no gun"

Ever since I decided to give writing a serious shot, my dreams have been fucked up. Here's an example: Last night I had a dream about zombies. My part in this dream was looking down on the still-humans and how they survived or met their demise. I only remember one case. This guy runs into a room that has been turned into a large bedroom. There are five beds in the room and all the walls have 60's wood paneling on them. The moment the guy runs into the converted room, he twists his ankle because he doesn't know about the almost one foot drop. He immediately turns around and grabs the knob of the door and pulls it toward him to close it. He sees three zombies through the crack in the door as it shuts. They begin to pound on the door the best they could. (Pretty damn good for zombies in my opinion because the door was shaking and giving way to their fists whenever they hit.) With both hands still on the doorknob, he looks around the room to see if there is a way out or if there is anything he can use as a weapon. He sees the five beds and smiles. (I'm only looking down on him, so I don't know what the fuck is going on in his head. I do remember calling him a fucking idiot.) He locks the door (again "fucking idiot" flew out of my mouth) and then runs towards the bed. That's when the zombies rip open the door and come inside the converted room. (I told you these guys were impressive.) They run straight towards the guy to kill and eat him. This is where the dream gets comparatively strange. One of the zombies picks up a crowbar. As he's doing that, a strange humming noise starts. It's so loud that even the guy and zombies react to the sudden strange noise. It's a noise that has not been heard by anyone possibly since the very early 90's. The humming gives way to the sounds of keystrokes on an old electric typewriter. I begin to talk. "The lead zombie smashes the crowbar into the man's face with enough force to shatter all his teeth. 'This is just great,' thinks the man as a zombie bites off one of his fingers, 'now how am I supposed to eat? All zombies need teeth to...'" I woke up with the word "eat" on my lips.

You say "goodbye", he says "hello". I say "where's the fucking gun?"

I think Ernest Hemmingway's suicide was more of a bizarre fetish gone horribly wrong.

"Walk away from the sun and kill everyone"

The difference between a zombie and a vampire is that zombies kill morons while vampires give them eternal life.

I love Slipknot but hate Slipknot fans. If you've ever met one, you understand.

If I have to listen to one more fucker talk about how fucking awesome Howard Stern is, I'll stab his or her eyes out with a spork. Stern will bow to O&A once Sirius goes under. He should be already but he's too pig headed. His day will come.

"And you're fading with every day"

Oh yeah

Well, that took well.

Alright, until I get back into the swing of blogging on a fairly normal basis again, I'm going repost some stuff from my old blog.

I'm going to go through my old blog now and find something to put up for tonight.